Saturday, January 2, 2010

An Almost Kiss for No Kiss Blogfest!

It's No Kiss Blogfest today! Hosted by Frankie Diane Mills! I was so bummed I missed out on Kissing Day last week. Almost kisses are one of my favorite things to write, so even though I just found out about this today, I'm determined to participate.

Here's my almost kiss scene, from my WIP #1:
I don’t know how long I cry before my breathing finally returns to normal. When I’m calm again, he rubs my back but doesn’t let go. It’s like we both become aware of how close we’re standing at the same time. His chest pressed against mine. His hands under my jacket, in the small of my back. My heartbeat speeds up when his breathing turns shallow. I lean back just far enough to tilt my head and peer up at him.

“Thanks.” My voice is barely a whisper.

The look in his eyes stops time. All at once, every nerve in my body is straining to be closer to him.

He nods, his eyes moving to my lips. “Sure.” His voice sounds rough, deeper than usual.

I’m transfixed by his mouth - remembering the softness of his lips, the way they felt against mine. Wondering what it would feel like if the kiss was for real.

His hand tugs gently at the bottom of my shirt and he bends down, his lips hovering inches from mine. Hesitating.

My breath catches in my throat.
Oh God, please. I lean closer.

“Cody, didn’t you hear me call--”

The door to the house opens and with a gasp, we fly apart. Too late.

Cody’s mom stands in the doorway looking, if not stunned, then really, really surprised. “Oh,” she says, looking back and forth between Cody and me, a grin slowly forming.

I’m mortified, my face on fire, but Cody, as laid back as ever, just smiles. “Hey, mom.”

“Hi Caitlyn,” she says to me before shifting her eyes back to Cody. “I didn’t realize you were here.”


And that's that! Hope you enjoyed it, and I hope you ckeck out all the other writers that are participating! Happy New Year!

28 comments:

Marybeth Poppins said...

Gotta love when moms interrupt a the most horrible of times!!!

Great scene!

Nickles said...

Awesome almost kiss! Great build up. I love how she was mortified and he was totally chill at the end.

Iapetus999 said...

What is with moms???
I guess better than a random phone call.
Good job!

Elle Strauss said...

Gotta love moms....

Nice job building tension. I was so ready for the kiss to happen. Great almost kiss.

Katy said...

That's a great almost-kissing scene! :)

Frankie Diane Mallis said...

oooh no! The mom interupted aaaah. This was a reallly good no kiss, I liked it a lot!!!!!!! Thanks for sharing and participating!!!

Melissa said...

How embarrassing for Caitlyn! Nice job with the almost kiss:)

Alissa said...

Great non-kissing scene, which rings very true, not that I've been there or anything :)

Julie said...

Ooh, I loved this! Great job. :)

Diana Paz said...

So great!! Love the hot yearning, and the perfect interruption!

Ash. Elizabeth said...

And..the mom ruins everything : ( Well, I hope they get their perfect moment eventually in your WIP, which is great BTW.

Bethany Mattingly said...

I love how the mom is the one who ruins it, yet she doesn't seem disturbed by her son's selection. I want to read more!

Tricia J. O'Brien said...

Woo-hoo, great almost kiss! I liked both the characters and the tension. As for Mom, well, she was pretty cool for such an awkward moment. Wonderful scene!

V. S said...

What a fun read! The characters were personable and real. Great scene!

YA Vampire Books said...

Gaah...great scene! Didn't want the mum to interrupt though but I guess that's why it's called an almost-kiss scene! ;)

Donna Gambale said...

Ack! Parental interruption! We all know how that one goes.

Kat O'Keeffe said...

Oooh, busted by the mom! Bummer! Haha, nice excerpt! :)

Patty said...

OOH, I really liked this. Yeah, Moms can be such a buzzkill

The Blogger Girlz said...

Haha! Great scene! I love how the mom knows what's going on! :)

~Ella

Shannon Messenger said...

Ooo-awesome scene. I love how much you say in such a short little scene--totally makes me want to read more. Thanks for sharing and I hope you don't mind that I'm following your blog now. I'm always looking to connect with other writers!

Amalia T. said...

Very nice! You do a great job of showing that Sly-Mom-Grin, and giving us that slow-mo moment.

Thanks for sharing!

laurel said...

I love how much tension you pack into such a brief scene, and also the rhythm of it. You have some killer, well-placed sentence fragments. Great technique!

Karen Amanda Hooper said...

Short and sweet. Shows the skill of a great writer.
Ah yes. I remember being interrupted by a mom or two in my teen years. Very nice scene!
My blog

Valerie said...

Thank you to everyone for your kind words about my scene! Hearing you want to read more makes my year!

Hayley said...

Oych, they're lucky his mom walked in then though. I loved this scene! Nice job!

GMR said...

Loved it! Great job! It's always the Mom that knows just when to walk in....or rather doesn't know when NOT to walk in. =0)

L.J. Boldyrev said...

It's changed since I last read it! I LOVE it!

Valerie said...

Thanks Lacey! Yep, it went from a kiss to an almost kiss! I think it works much better that way.

Related Posts with Thumbnails