I'm about to bring on the heartbreak for my main character. Is it wrong that I am sort of insanely excited about this? And of course, I'm also feeling guilty.
I used to read writer's blogs when they would talk about how bad they felt about putting their characters through trials and tribulations as if they were real people and I would wonder what that must be like, to think of them that way. When writing screenplays, so much of a character's inner monologue is left out, and it's such a tiny snapshot of their lives, that I never really felt as connected to the characters as I do with the characters in my novel. I think writing in first person has something to do with it too. At any rate, poor Caitlyn has already gone through some pretty life-shattering events and is questioning who she is and all that good stuff. But recently, she just had something really awesome happen, something that has given her hope, and I am about to rip that hope right out from under her and leave her with practically nothing. I'm so mean.
It's a scary feeling. I'm moving right into the middle of my book. The thing I fear more than anything, even spiders! I'm at that point where even though I've plotted out some basic signposts to reach, I have no real idea what paths I'm going to take to each of them. It feels like my story is about to spin out of control and all I can do is follow along behind and hope for the best. As a serious control freak, this is the thing I hate and love most about writing. It's like going skydiving. It always feels like a risk, and I don't know if my parachute will open up and save me or not. Looks like I'm bringing on the heartache for myself too!